Season 5

Complete listed story — includes the ending

1. The Larry David Sandwich

Larry nearly drowns while swimming alone in the sea, and becomes convinced divine intervention saved him. He is initially excited when Jeff tells him that Leo's delicatessen has named a sandwich after him, but is upset after hearing the sandwich's unappetizing contents. Cheryl is annoyed with Larry for taking a phone call from Jeff during intercourse with her. Larry and his father Nat go to Leo's; Nat orders and enjoys Larry's sandwich but suffers a stroke. Larry blames the sandwich's contents for the stroke. At the hospital, Nat mumbles what sounds like "You're adopted", both shocking and elating Larry, but Nat denies having said that once he is recovered. Larry attempts to get Ted Danson, who also has a Leo's sandwich named after him, to switch sandwiches. Danson agrees until Jeff tells him what is in Larry's sandwich. Larry writes a letter to his former nanny, Johanna Seiderman, who he believes may know if he is adopted. The Deli owner (who is adopted) hears that Larry is adopted and lets him put his name on any sandwich on the menu. Larry chooses Ted Danson's. A care worker at Seiderman's nursing home phones Larry during sex with Cheryl, but this time he does not take it. Seiderman tells the worker that she had the answer to his question, then immediately dies.

2. The Bowtie

Larry hires a private investigator to find out if he is adopted. He is reluctant to take the case, but does so for a higher fee. Larry wonders whether he is a Muslim. He later finds out that he is when he walks in on him while he is praying. Larry is delighted at being popular with lesbians. However, he is pleased when Marty Funkhouser tells him that his previously lesbian daughter, Jodi, has started a relationship with a man. Larry's elation at this causes him to be shunned by lesbians. Larry tells Jodi's boyfriend lesbians are better at pleasuring women than men are because of their experience from masturbating, damaging his sexual confidence. The couple split, and she returns to a relationship with a woman. As a result, Larry's popularity with lesbians is restored. Larry adopts a dog, Sheriff, from the animal shelter. When Wanda visits, she thinks it is racist because it barks at her and a black man. However, it later barks at Rosie O'Donnell (who is white) and is stroked by the PI without barking.

3. The Christ Nail

Larry is pleased with his new shoe inserts, but his acquaintances are annoyed by the loud squeaking noises when he walks with them. Larry's handyman Jesús—who is Larry and Cheryl's housekeeper Maria's husband—complains of pain in the soles of his feet, so Larry gives him some of his shoe inserts. Cheryl is annoyed at Larry looking at her bra. Cheryl wants to fire Maria because she does not wear a bra. Larry tells her that she should wear a bra, and buys her a few bras of different sizes, because he does not know what size she is. Larry looks at Susie's bra for comparison. She is angry when she sees him doing so on one of their CCTV cameras, which Jeff and Susie had installed because they suspect their maid of stealing from them. Larry's father-in-law wears a nail used in The Passion of the Christ around his neck. Larry tells him that worshiping a man is gay, and that if God had a daughter, more people would be Christians. Angered by Larry's gifting Maria a bra, Jesús quits without attaching a mezuzah to the door jamb. Larry puts it up quickly to please his father, who is about to visit, using the Christ nail to hammer it in place. Larry is puzzled by 11-year-old Sammi believing in the tooth fairy. She discovers the fairy does not exist when she sees Susie trying to put money under her pillow, having been woken by squeaking from Larry's shoes. Still angry about the bra, Jesús chases Larry with a cross-shaped club, but collapses in agony when he steps on the Christ nail, which had been dropped on the floor.

4. Kamikaze Bingo

Larry meets Yoshi, an art dealer, at a Japanese restaurant. His father is in the same nursing home as Larry's father Nat. Larry is puzzled when Yoshi says that his father was a kamikaze pilot in World War II, to which the dealer says that he grazed the target ship. Yoshi feels dishonored by Larry implying that his father is a coward, and attempts suicide. Larry is confused when Nat's doctor and pharmacist disagree as to which medication is best suited to Nat. Larry accuses one of the home's residents, Ruth, of fixing bingo so that she wins.

5. Lewis Needs a Kidney

Larry locks himself out of his car. He calls Jeff to collect him. While waiting for him, a drive-through restaurant refuses to serve Larry due to him not being in a car. A motorist, Peter Hagen, who is waiting in line, invites Larry into his car so that he can buy food. Jeff arrives and joins them in the car. The next day, Larry and Jeff are called to the police station to provide Peter an alibi. Richard needs a kidney transplant; Larry and Jeff debate whether or not to offer him a kidney of theirs. They take a test which shows they are compatible to donate to Richard. Susie forbids Jeff to donate his, so Larry is set to. Larry watches a TV news report in which it is stated that Richard's cousin Louis has been shot during a robbery and is in a coma, not expected to survive. Larry is delighted at the prospect of Louis becoming the kidney donor. Peter is arrested for the crime.

6. The Smoking Jacket

Larry frequently visits Louis at the hospital, hoping he will die soon and donate his kidney to Richard. Nat sends Larry's cousin Andy his smoking jacket. Thinking his increasingly senile father meant to give the jacket to him, Larry negotiates for the jacket in exchange for bringing Andy on his visit to Hugh Hefner 's Playboy Mansion. He also brings along a terminally ill young boy who caught him fiddling with the wires to Louis's life support and blackmailed him. However, he fails to fulfill the boy's wish to see a naked woman because the girls at the Playboy Mansion are more prudish than Larry thought, covering up their private parts and running away screaming the instant they spot a male in the pool area. While there, Larry lets Hugh Hefner try on his smoking jacket. Hefner wears it during a long bathroom trip, so Larry swaps it with Hefner's own smoking jacket when no one is looking. While looking for another way to fulfill the terminal boy's wish, Larry accidentally walks in on Andy having sex with a Playboy model, to the boy's delight. Nat complains that his smoking jacket has been stolen, having forgotten that he mailed it to Andy. Larry gives him Hefner's, but he recognizes it is different, and demands his real jacket back. Larry calls in his favor for showing the boy a naked woman, and the boy asks the Make-A-Wish Foundation for Hefner's smoking jacket.

7. The Seder

Larry is annoyed at his newspaper having been stolen from his front yard every day for a week. He and Cheryl hold a Passover Seder for friends and family. Larry is approached in the street by a man, whom he is initially cold towards because he recognizes him as Rick Leftowitz ( Rob Corddry ), the convicted sex offender who has recently moved into the neighborhood. When Rick tells him that he loves Seinfeld and golf and is Jewish, he warms to Rick. Following the Biblical law concerning Passover for small families, he invites Rick to the Seder, which infuriates Cheryl and Susie. Larry accuses another guest, a cosmetic surgeon named Mark, of stealing his paper. Mark leaves early due to being paged by his hospital to attend an emergency.

8. The Ski Lift

Richard's nurse Lisa tells Larry that she dated Jeff and that he has a small penis. Jeff tells Larry she is lying and that the truth is her vagina is massive. Larry finds out that the head of the kidney transplant consortium is Ben Heineman, an Orthodox Jew. He deliberately crashes into Ben's parked car in order to have a reason to approach him. In an attempt to get Richard Lewis to the top of the hospital waiting list, Jeff and Susie invite Larry, Cheryl, Ben, and Ben's daughter Rachel to spend the weekend at their ski lodge. Larry suggests he give Richard's baseball to Ben to accelerate the friendship, but the baseball is missing. Since Richard has only had close friends visit and Lisa's nurse outfit has no place where she could conceal such a large object, Larry suspects Lisa stole it by hiding it in her unusually large vagina. During the weekend, Ben offers to put Richard's name at the top of the kidney transplant list, and encourages Rachel to go back down the mountain with Larry while he returns to the lodge. The ski lift that Larry and Rachel are on becomes stuck. Her religion forbids a single woman from being alone with a man after sunset, so she jumps off. Larry uses Rachel's phone to call Richard to let him know the scheme has failed and ask if he has seen his phone. He tells Richard he will call his phone. A moment later, Richard hears Larry's ringtone coming from Lisa and suspects she put it inside her vagina.

9. The Korean Bookie

Having paid Ben $1,500 for the car he damaged, Larry is angry when he discovers that Ben gave the money to Rachel, who used it to pay for breast augmentation. Larry is also angry with a woman for borrowing his jacket without asking him and accidentally staining it. She gives him $150 to replace it. Oscar goes missing and he suspects his Korean bookmaker of killing him and serving him to attendees of the wedding of a couple who are Cheryl's friends. Larry tells them all that they are eating a dog, but later that day he sees Oscar.

10. The End

Larry has a change of attitude as a result of being told by the PI that he is adopted. He travels to Bisbee, Arizona, to meet his birth parents, who are a patient and loving Christian couple. He becomes a Christian and tells Cheryl that he wants to have children with her. He donates his kidney to Richard. Despite this, Richard refuses to lend Larry his new golf club. On the way to the operating room, the PI tells Larry that he was mistaken in his belief that he is adopted. This makes Larry change his mind about the kidney, but the surgeons refuse to abort the procedure. Larry dies and goes to Heaven, where he meets his mother ( Bea Arthur ), recovers a full head of hair, argues with two attendants ( Dustin Hoffman and Sacha Baron Cohen ), and is sent back into his body, waking up in his hospital bed.