3. The Christ Nail

Complete story — includes the ending

Larry is pleased with his new shoe inserts, but his acquaintances are annoyed by the loud squeaking noises when he walks with them. Larry's handyman Jesús—who is Larry and Cheryl's housekeeper Maria's husband—complains of pain in the soles of his feet, so Larry gives him some of his shoe inserts. Cheryl is annoyed at Larry looking at her bra. Cheryl wants to fire Maria because she does not wear a bra. Larry tells her that she should wear a bra, and buys her a few bras of different sizes, because he does not know what size she is. Larry looks at Susie's bra for comparison. She is angry when she sees him doing so on one of their CCTV cameras, which Jeff and Susie had installed because they suspect their maid of stealing from them. Larry's father-in-law wears a nail used in The Passion of the Christ around his neck. Larry tells him that worshiping a man is gay, and that if God had a daughter, more people would be Christians. Angered by Larry's gifting Maria a bra, Jesús quits without attaching a mezuzah to the door jamb. Larry puts it up quickly to please his father, who is about to visit, using the Christ nail to hammer it in place. Larry is puzzled by 11-year-old Sammi believing in the tooth fairy. She discovers the fairy does not exist when she sees Susie trying to put money under her pillow, having been woken by squeaking from Larry's shoes. Still angry about the bra, Jesús chases Larry with a cross-shaped club, but collapses in agony when he steps on the Christ nail, which had been dropped on the floor.