18. The Bard

Julius K. Moomer, a bumbling screenwriter, is becoming desperate for a sale after years of working on unproduced scripts, such as ones about a woman being unaware that her husband is a zombie, a romance between a female scientist and robot, and Belle Starr being president of the Union Pacific Railroad. His agent, Gerald Hugo, mentions a television series to his secretary which causes Julius to beg to write a pilot episode for it. Gerald derides Julius as the show is about black magic and Julius knows nothing about it. However, Julius convinces Gerald to let him research the subject and submit a pilot.

On his arrival at a used bookstore, a book of black magic pulls itself off the shelf, to the confusion of the bookstore owner and Julius. After multiple failed attempts at using the book, Julius accidentally summons William Shakespeare, who says he is at the command of the conjurer and will provide any service. Shakespeare's script The Tragic Cycle is accepted by the television producers despite its archaic language.

Shakespeare is annoyed at Julius' egotism and claiming of sole credit for the scripts. He threatens to leave, stating that his task is finished, but Julius argues that if he stops writing now, Shakespeare will lose his chance at Hollywood fame and become forgotten. Shakespeare says he will attend a rehearsal and continue working for Julius if it does justice to his script. At the rehearsal, Shakespeare is so horrified at the revisions by the sponsor and producers that he assaults lead actor Rocky Rhodes and storms out. Julius's next assignment, a TV special on American history, seems doomed to failure until he remembers his book on black magic, and uses it to conjure up Robert E. Lee, Ulysses S. Grant, Abraham Lincoln, George Washington, Pocahontas, Daniel Boone, Benjamin Franklin, and Theodore Roosevelt to act as consultants.