Fables #46

Rodney, a wooden soldier in the Adversary's army, writes a letter to his father Geppetto. He's a lieutenant in the infantry, currently serving in the Seventh Horde, which was sent to the Arabian World. They're currently occupying a captured stronghold which they renamed Fort Walder, after a brave wooden comrade who was destroyed in its initial sacking. A few fleshy resistors fall to Rodney's sword every day, with his captain Arturo fights alongside. Sometimes the Arabian Fables come in from above on flying carpets, which the Hordes' warlock is then brought in to shoot them down with magic fireballs.
During one skirmish on top of the ramparts, the Resistance brought a manticore, which pounced on Rodney, biting into his wooden leg. Though the creature was slain, his leg was splintered beyond simple repair, so he was sent to the woodcarver's post to get a replacement. That's where Rodney met June.

The regular woodcarver, Gunter, was out on leave, so the wooden female was left in charge. She seems capable, so he lets her examine his leg. Rodney comments in his letter that she was carved to be the prettiest wooden girl he's ever seen. Almost immediately, he realized he enjoyed her company, as she moved with grace around the shop. June gave him a temporary replacement leg made from mundane wood which he'd have to endure for only a day or two. He couldn't feel anything below his knee, but he wasn't as bothered as he'd though, because he felt a fondness for her. She was much better than grumpy old Gunter, who always scolded them for the slightest scratch in their finish. As he left, he found he actually felt a jealous resentment for the other wooden soldiers waiting in line to see June. Even as he continued his duties under Captain Arturo, he found his mind wandered to June. He didn't understand what he was feeling, as he normally enjoyed the comradery of his wooden brothers.

That night in the Wooden Soldier Barracks, while his brothers played a game with dice, Rodney read a book on Human Biology, trying to make sense of his feelings. His brothers tease him when they see the book, making fun of their allies, the meat soldiers, and all the sleeping, eating, and bathroom breaks they do. A far better idea, they say, is that rather than be spread out among the ranks alongside meat, they should all band together as one great wooden army and march, unobstructed, through every unconquered realm. Rodney retorts that if every wooden soldier formed into one Horde, then there wouldn't be enough left to run the conquered lands. Kingdoms would start to rebel without their wooden foot on their fleshy necks. There was also the force of Wooden brothers that were sent to the mundane world to take Fabletown, and they haven't been heard from since! He takes his book and goes to the ramparts to resume his reading.

In the days that followed, Rodney and June saw each other more and more, and June was beginning to like his company, too. He would read her poetry from the martial library. War stories and battle poetics, which she liked well enough, but she asked if he had anything softer, like that which "meat couples" would read to one another; When they're courting. Rodney and June both realized, that's exactly what they were doing.
Together, they would continue to talk about other things that couples would do with each other, which Rodney took notes on as June came up with ideas. One night, Rodney and June would try to kiss. Simply by touching their lips together until they felt something. A minute passed, and it didn't seem to be working. Rodney suggests he wrote it down wrong, while June supposes it was due to the difference between wood and flesh. Both of them are disappointed.

In his letter, Rodney makes a request; he asks Geppetto to make him and June into flesh and blood humans. As well as permission to marry her and have many children. Though he serves a lowly station, he tells Geppetto it was what he truly desired and hoped that his father would grant him his wish.

That morning, Captain Arturo finds him and gives him orders to lead an armed patrol out to escort a caravan at Port Leonard back here. June will be going with, as Gunter should be riding back with the caravan, and so her time at the Fort is over. Rodney tells the captain he had a letter that needed to be sent with the next mail run. Captain Arturo takes and inspects the letter, to be sure it is censored properly. Censoring ma9il is Rodney's job, but seeing as he can't censor himself...
The captain skims through, and becomes aghast, asking Rodney if he's lost his mind! In the letter he commits several treasonous offenses, including naming their father Geppetto as the true power, and inferring that the Emperor was just a puppet, and not at all the highest authority. He tears up the letter and sends Rodney to his quarters until a suitable punishment is thought up for him.